Entrusted with the Gospel

(FYI, Part 1 is here)

Two days into the broken ribs adventure, my right lung collapsed (in doctor’s lingo, a pneumo-thorax). Later, the trauma surgeon would surmise that it truly began at the time of the accident on Sunday evening, but the actual collapse and thus the symptoms didn’t show up until about 30 hours later. Perhaps a slow leak? Whatever the case, when the chest pain symptoms arrived early Tuesday morning around 1 AM, they were unpleasant. 

So, the medical team moved my X-ray appointment up to 3 AM that day…and sure enough, there it was.

And so that next morning, the nicest doctor in the world, who introduced herself as Alyssa, came in to give me the collapsed lung news. She was so bright and cheery, you would have thought I was going to Disney. And when the time came to solve the problem by inserting a chest tube a couple hours later, sunny Alyssa performed the procedure under the tutelage of another woman who was apparently the expert teacher-doctor.

Because I had received a nerve block the day before, I wasn’t eligible for the anesthetic to make me full-on loopy – just a local anesthetic to deaden the point of insertion. The point is, I heard all the instructions from Doctor Yoda to Doctor Luke. So, if you need a chest tube inserted sometime, just ask.

At one point, master said to apprentice, “Now, this guy is skinny, but sometimes…”

Hearing this, I said to sweet Haley the CNA who was holding my hand behind my head and chatting about books (what else?) to keep my mind occupied, “Hey, she just called me skinny…” And we had some good hospital laughs.

Smile from Heaven, and a First Assumption

It was a little smile from heaven – and indeed, I’ve received lots of those in the last 15 days. Smiles…and blessings…and all in all, very good things…through something quite hard. (The first of which was a newfound appreciation for just exactly how blessed I was to be married to Mrs. Knowlton).

The beauty of these realizations dovetailed with a question that I had been asking since the crash on Sunday night: “What exactly are you doing, Lord?” Because I assumed all along, He was indeed doing something. “What are you teaching me?” “What are You accomplishing through this?” “What is your plan for this?” I came up with all kinds of wild ideas – for instance: “Did you want someone else to preach 1 Thessalonians 4:1 – 8? Maybe the church has heard enough from me on the sexuality topic?” (Thanks Jeremy and Kyle!)

Whatever the reason, my assumption through all of it…was simple: God, in his sovereignty (and goodness), had brought the whole event to pass. He intended to do something through these broken ribs, and that something, in spite of the physical pain, would in the end be good for me, conforming me to the image of Jesus (Romans 8:28, 29).

A Second Assumption

But other thoughts of a different nature danced through my mind also. These were considerations about myself, and what I had done. For instance, thinking: “Well, you distracted driver  – that was foolish – paying attention to your phone when your eyes should have been on the trail. Why did you ever put a phone holder on your handlebars to start with? One thing is for sure, if I get a chance for another bike ride, that’s coming off.”

Now, don’t get me wrong – I like myself – and my thoughts haven’t exactly been centered on self-recrimination for 2 weeks. It’s just that when all was said and done, I knew down deep that I was responsible for landing myself in the hospital for 5 days.

Altogether Now

These two ideas summed up my thoughts about the accident – at once considering that God in His absolute sovereignty had brought it to be, and therefore asking for wisdom regarding what He was doing (ala James 1:5), yet, at the same time, knowing that I was responsible.  And being accountable, I needed to stop, consider, and make changes.

GOD WAS SOVEREIGN…I WAS RESPONSIBLE.

Now…I realize that I tread on holy ground here, especially when speaking of God’s sovereignty over all events in our lives. Moreover, sometimes the human responsibility falls not primarily on ourselves, but on others moving in our lives. For I am not unaware that many have gone through far worse than broken bones, that is, events leading to broken psyches…often at the hand of evil actors.

Nevertheless, God’s absolute control of all…combined with total human responsibility (mine or others)…are the twin rails on which run the Locomotive of Life. (While all at the same time, we affirm with Scripture that God never does evil – James 1:13; He is perfectly good.) The logicians call this an antinomy, which the Cambridge dictionary defines as: “a situation in which two statements or beliefs that are both reasonable seem to contradict.”

Speaking on the related topic of prayer, Tim Keller sums the antinomy idea up rather nicely:

“…These two facts are true at once, and how that is possible is a mystery to us. We feel that if God is completely in control, then our actions don’t matter—or vice versa. But think how practical this is. If we believed that God was in charge and our actions meant nothing, it would lead to discouraged passivity. If on the other hand, we really believed that our actions changed God’s plan—it would lead to paralyzing fear. If both are true, however, we have the greatest incentive for diligent effort, and yet we can always sense God’s everlasting arms under us. In the end, we can’t frustrate God’s good plans for us (cf. Jeremiah 29:11).”

• Keller, Timothy. Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God (pp. 224-225). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Oh, the hope and possibility here is palpable. Taking responsibility, I change and grow…all the time resting in His goodness and love.

At the Cross…

As usual, it all comes together in the beauty and pathos of Calvary, as the Apostle Peter described at Pentecost…

…this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men.” Acts 2:23 (ESV)

On the one hand, evil men were fully responsible for the death of Jesus – yet God planned it from eternity past.

And we are so thankful He did.